Technology and social media have changed the way kids grow up—and the way we parent. While they offer great learning opportunities and ways to stay connected, they also come with risks like screen overuse and unhealthy social comparisons. This article from Psychology Today shares real-life examples and simple strategies to help kids build healthy tech habits, develop social skills, and find balance in a digital world.
One thing we know is that technology and redes sociales have changed the world and changed parenting. But both technology and social media have brought blessings and curses. The blessings include the educational content, opportunities for self-paced learning, and connection for the disconnected. For example, some kids live in more rural areas where same-age peers live far away. There are also urban city kids who live in neighborhoods where it’s dangerous to get together at a playground. And there are still other kids who feel marginalized and more isolated by their small numbers or by aspects of their identities (e.g., LGBTQ). The curses include the risk of harm that is possible because of children’s ability to venture virtually anywhere with limited or no supervision and social media influences that lead vulnerable adolescents to question their self-worth and engage in unhealthy social comparisons.
The two stories below illustrate some of the most frequently encountered challenges that span the age range of users, along with suggested responses.
A couple of months ago, I was at the airport sitting near a mom and her young daughter, who I’m guessing was about five or six years old. The little girl was playing with an iPad when her mother said that she would have to stop because the battery was going to be too run-down, and they would be boarding their plane soon. The girl was compliant but, after about a minute or so, complained that she was bored. Her mother acknowledged that she may be bored.
The young girl said that she didn’t like being bored, to which her mother replied that she could understand not liking the feeling of boredom. She added that we can all feel that way from time to time, but we have to adjust to these less pleasant feelings. She also added that her daughter could choose to entertain herself so as to combat her boredom.
I loved this mom’s response. She had affirmed her daughter’s feelings, indicating that boredom is one that we all experience. Although it may not be the pleasantest of feelings, boredom is something we can tolerate, and we can respond to and alter it by taking personal action.
Here are some takeaways that address issues raised directly and indirectly in the story:
Cultivate alternative activities from a young age.
Don’t wait until your child is a teen to tell them to develop some other activities to pass the time. You want your child to be used to entertaining themselves. For many of us, we use tech because it’s easier than doing anything else. It’s the kids who can’t entertain themselves who are most vulnerable to engaging in risky behaviors in their teen years.
Be a model of alternative activities.
Have your child see you pursue and engage in other activities (e.g., reading a book, listening to music, being physically active). Have them see you interact with others in real-time, not just virtually, through texts or social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook.
Help foster your child’s social skills.
This is especially important if you believe they gravitate towards social media because it is an easier way of interacting with others or because they have some social anxiety.
Don’t wait until your child is a teen to restrict or take away tech or set limits on social media usage.
Introduce the notion from the get-go. In part, you are training your child to be able to disengage from tech —not always an easy task. And you are not removing tech to be punitive. You are saying there are some things we can’t do all the time, like TV.
Comment on how you avoid certain sites because they call your self-worth into question.
Explain that they may lead you to doubt yourself and create unrealistic standards you might try to attain. In my previous post, I mentioned how children between the ages of about 10 and 14 can be particularly vulnerable to social media messaging.
Model self-restraint and boundaries.
Put away your phone at certain times —not texting or looking at it at the dinner table, or maybe not doing so unless you have an important call or message you are waiting for and need to respond to. And just as important, you are stating this so they know the relative importance of the reason for your distraction.
Engage in self-talk.
Let your child hear you reason out why you put your phone in a remote location at night so that you are not tempted to look at it.